Hello everyone, I hope you all are having a wonderful day! In this blog post, I am sharing with you all another original poem that I wrote. This poem is about the push and pulls of a relationship between loving and hating someone. If you guys want more posts like this one, please let me know and I will continue to write more!
Repeating Yourself
I don’t want to hear your name,
But I also want to feel the pain
Of choosing to lose you or making me hate you more.
I pushed you away because I found myself feeling guilty of loving you,
But I ran back into your arms the second you opened up to me, thinking it was special.
It was anything but special,
It was stupid.
Impulsive,
And careless,
But mostly embarrassing.
We would go back and forth with each other,
It was a cycle of confusion.
Like a never-ending staircase that kept spiraling down.
Being with you reminded me of losing your best friend,
But being around you felt like a painted lie.
I felt as if I had to wear a mask around you.
I had to cover up my true feelings and show my fake smile.
I turned myself into something I was not
And I never want to go back.
You kept me guessing with everything, but it still wasn’t enough for you.
You know how to twist reality and make it into a game.
You know that you are irresistible and memorable.
I know that you are nothing more than a dried-up leaf that has fallen from its big tree.
You have changed and grown, and it’s time to let new people in.
You were the one I changed for.
You were a person who I had loved but for you, it felt like an acquaintance.
I wasn’t important to you as much I hoped to be.
I turned a blind eye to every action and consequence you conceived.
I wasn’t stupid, it was stupid to be in love with you.
I had a change of heart with everything you did, but really, I shouldn’t have changed my heart for anyone.
I allowed you to be a part of my life because of the high praises you received.
The words from others,
“Oh, he’s such a gentleman,”
“He was raised well,”
All played back in my head as you always ignored me.
An anxious mind,
Restless sleep,
And a changed character
Are all things I wish I would have let myself know that I would be hurt in the end.
I was craving for you, but I was actually craving for myself to be wanted.
Tears overflowed in my eyes while driving,
Blurred vision as I’m trying to make out the road,
And words under my breath saying, “I’ll miss you.”
I didn’t just miss you, I missed myself.
I became a female version of you.
You had a way with your words,
Practically meaning
You were either obnoxious or witty.
It’s really not hard to be kind,
But you believed in your heart that you were the best version of yourself.
It’s unfortunate that I changed the way I would think.
Turning from non-judgmental to narrow.
Really all I needed to be was small-minded towards you.
Instead, I opened up my mind to your world and I wished I never talked to you.
I wish I could say I never wanted to meet you, but I would have never learned from my mistake.
The sound of your name doesn’t sit right with me anymore, it feels like an upset stomach.
The knowing what you're up to leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
The new you reminds me how quickly people can change.
The mark you left on my heart feels as if I have to carry guilt in order to see you happy.
The mixed emotions and a confused mind makes me feel grateful that I was never once yours.
It’s true, I didn’t really think this through.
I thought I would follow through with my actions and thoughts,
But in reality, I was scared of rejection.
I was scared that you would lie to me and say you felt the same way.
But the way you changed after we stopped talking confirmed that you were never interested in me.
I thought you needed time to make you see what you missed the most,
But truly I was wrong in ways I could not imagine.
Now, I won’t have to stay up until one in the morning wondering if your thoughts are the same as mine.
I can finally rest at ease and relax my mind as I slowly tune out all things associated with you.
Echoes of you are just a distant call that was never supposed to go this far.
Thank you all very much for reading this blog post! I really appreciate all the love and support I receive from my original poem posts! I have more posts planned for this month and I cannot wait to share them with you all so, stay tuned for new blog posts! Also, if you want to stay updated when new posts are coming, you can follow me on both Pinterest and Instagram at @helpfulinspiringblog. If you need to reach out to me, feel free to email me at: helpfulinspiringblog@gmail.com. I will see you all soon and I hope you all have a great rest of your day!
-Sonia